Pre-log (Quickie auto biography)

So clearly, my story starts with a man. His name is Joey. We met 3 years ago in October. When I met him he was straight out of prison for stealing eye drops. Yes EYEDROPS! He did a whole year for it. But my first opinion of him was that he had a very free spirit. He loved telling stories and being the center of attention. When we first met it was sort of a blind date but my date was not him. A friend of mine Tiffany whom was my roommate at the time had brought a guy named Jesse for me and Joey for her. Well they had ended up picking on Jesse and he went home like a big baby. Lol. So never mind for that but I was okay with being the third wheel. When I was that age I was always the party starter. The one who kept the happy moods going, so I did. So as the night goes on Joey had turned more to my attention and not hers. She got tired and went to bed. Me and Joey ended up talking until like 4 AM! Anyways, one thing lead to another and me and Joey let sparks fly. We knew we really liked each other. We were inseparable and had been for the last three years. Although we spent every day for three years together doesn't mean they were all amazing.

So the first year was more like a learning thing. I learned everything there is to know about drugs. I learned that Joey had been an Heroine addict. Of course he didn't tell but I came to learn by finding needles and noticing his behavior. At first I felt sympathetic and wanted to do whatever I could to help him in his sobriety. Especially after learning about the severe disease and addiction it afflicted on him. I mean, what could I say I loved him regardless. At first he treated me absolutely amazing with the exception of his addiction he was everything I could ever ask for. In my mind, I really didn't want to judge him for one flaw. So I didn't.

The beginning of year two I found out I was pregnant with my sleeping angel Macie Lynn Muir.  At this point it was a fight. Joey needed to get sober for our family. No questions about it. Now obviously this didn't happen. So our relationship had become one giant argument. He still treated me the same but would not even try to kick this hell bound habit. So around six months of fighting with him I finally said forget it and let him run amuck. Within that same month we got raided. Now keep in mind this was my first raid and was scared shitless because I would never be caught with a drug in my hand and I too was cuffed, searched, and questioned. I didn't go to jail but he did and was sentenced to a year in jail.

This was even more frightening because I was left high and dry. Going through a pretty rough pregnancy I was on bed rest. No way could I go get a job and do this. I desperately searched for a roommate that could help with rent so I didn't loose my place to live. I went hungry and got really sick with anxiety and no way to visit a doctor. Finally I caved and made a plan with my mom to move to Seattle with her until I could get this all straightened out and come home to Utah with my baby and be ready for Joey to be home and be the family we wanted. Now I know some of you may look at my sideways that I would even fathom coming back home to my jail bait. But my mind set was that he deserved this one fresh start to show me the father he can be.

Well plans fell through when I went in to the hospital on August 16th of 2012 to get induced at 41 weeks. I had gone through a terribly painful labor of two days. The first day I had no epidural for pain but I just wasn't dilating fast enough. So they upped my doses. By 6 am the next morning it was time for an epidural but I still was only dilated to a 4. They broke my water a few hours later but I still hadn't dilated much more. The labor got easier but wasn't moving along like it should have. 10 o' clock the last night my baby's heart rate was not acting right. So they placed a different type of monitor on her that is a little more accurate. 11:30 comes around, my doctor came in and told me it was time for emergency c section. 22:22 o' clock rolls around and my angel was born on August 18th 2012. She was alive but completely limp  I had noticed during surgery that my baby wasn't crying and mentioned it. This was the last thing I remember. I guess they knocked me out so I didn't panic. So when she came out she wasn't breathing. They gave her many treatments and fought for her life but she was called to heaven instead. I pretty much woke up with a dead baby in my arms. You mothers probably could imagine the hurt this caused me.

The doctors told me there was nothing they could do and that they had no idea the cause. I sent my Angel to autopsy whom also came back with nothing except she suffered from hypoxia. I already knew this much but there were no answers. I was faced with this challenge and no answers. So anyway I went through coping and had her funeral. For her funeral Joey got to go on a furlough to come along and mourn our daughter. This all together was a really hard time for both of us.

After Joey went back to jail, I went back to Washington. I tried really hard to heal there but I just hate Washington! It's so boring! So I sold all Macie's baby stuff and hopped on a grey hound back to Utah with nothing! I got two, jobs got a car and a place to live. Joey had got released to rehab and I was feeling really good about my achievements.

So when Joey got out of Rehab he was doing great for a while but it didn't take much for him to relapse, but it took a lot for me to leave him for it, so I didn't. Instead I got pregnant. This time around there was no way I would put up with him using. I knew I had to save me and the baby before I could save him. So I ended up leaving him. This is where I'm beginning my blog. I will tell you how the next 6 months go. How I feel. The hard and the easy. The sad and the happy. Basically and open diary for you to take in for your own life experience or for someone to connect with in your life or and give me advice. Thank you so much for reading, Ill be back shortly for my first real post.

-Jena